Benita A. Esposito-Soltys’ Story

Credentials

After earning a master’s degree in clinical psychology, I worked in two private mental health agencies in Iowa and Missouri facilitating out-patient psychotherapy and adult education. I managed a community organization program, developed public relations and marketing campaigns, and started an employee assistance program. Having high autonomy needs, 7 years after earning my master’s degree, I decided to open my own business. I opted out of the licensed psychology umbrella so I am no longer a psychotherapist. I have maintained a private practice for 2 decades providing personal executive coaching and human potential training to high-achievers and entrepreneurs.

My Giftings.  I am a bridge for successful people to combine the strength of their intellect, the compassion of their heart, and the wisdom of their spirit. There is a similar pattern among high-achievers and I can spot it so my clients make rapid progress. I can see when my clients are about to make personal or business decisions that will generate pain, and I can steer them away from difficulties. I can help them see their defensive coping mechanisms, and coach them to eliminate blocks and learn effective life skills. I can easily detect emotional blockages and limiting beliefs that hinder a person’s health, their relationships, their relationship with God, and their success. As an ambassador for God, I often hear the voice of the Holy Spirit telling me what to say to my clients and His healing love flows through me. I frequently experience energy rushes in my body and that means that truth is being spoken by my clients or by me. I often see an entire life pattern connected with a presenting issue, and when I coach clients to address the root of the problem, they enjoy transformation quickly. All the credit for healing and transformation goes to God.

Benita A. Esposito-Soltys’ Story

As a teenager, I was fascinated with the miracles of Jesus. When he promised us, “You can do the things I do and more,” I took Him seriously.  I wanted to lead a Christ-like life, and I wanted to help other people learn about their true identity in Christ. As a child and young adult, I found myself finishing other people’s sentences because it was so easy for me to know what they were thinking and feeling. Later I came to understand that this is a gift of empathy and is common among highly sensitive people.

I experienced a lot of emotional anguish as a young adult. I could empathically feel the pain in my family, and I absorbed it while doing my best to be the peace-maker. I unconsciously thought that if I could get them to calm down, I would feel more peace. That did not work, and it was not until my 20’s that I started doing my own inner work instead of trying to get everyone else to change to make me happy. I was anxious, worried or depressed most of the time although I did not show it. I learned how to project a successful appearance at an early age.

Like most families, mine was not trained to manage emotions or communicate in healthy ways to resolve conflicts. The resulting stress tore me up but I never showed it. I tried to cope by being a high-achiever and getting good grades. Chronic pain and fatigue plagued me from childhood.  In my 30’s and 40’s, I realized that I was unconsciously driven to succeed because I yearned for my father’s love. I thought he would give me recognition if I excelled. I never told him that because I was too scared to tell him, so he never knew until much later after I had done lots of healing. There was an unwritten family rule to not talk to dad about our feelings. Like many men of his era, he believed he was being a good father and husband by being stoic, responsible and providing for the family. He did not know how to communicate from his heart until late in life.

I dove into my inner healing starting in my mid 20’s after I completed my master’s degree. I had the great benefit of two teachers. (If you have the opportunity to develop a close relationship with a teacher, I highly recommend it because it will be one of the most memorable experiences of your life.) I wanted to learn how to develop healthy relationships, communicate and resolve conflicts. I wanted to learn how to stop being codependent and heal at depth. I wanted to develop my gifts as a mature woman.  I needed to learn how to feel my emotions, reduce my stress and care for my body instead of over-work to prove my self-worth. After much deep work with my teachers, I summoned enough courage to speak directly to my dad about the emptiness I experienced in relationship with him. That was the scariest thing I had ever done in my life. I realized that if I did not take responsibility for creating the intimacy that I wanted with him, it would never happen. Much to my joy, he listened attentively and compassionately. Every time I talked to him after that, he grew a little more open, a little softer, and a little more expressive of his affection for me. For that I will be eternally grateful. When he died in 2005, we were at peace with each other and bonded. I thank God every day for this healing in our relationship.

The emptiness I experienced in relationship to my father, my pain, and my extreme sensitivity became the unconscious motivation for excelling in my career. I have come to realize that the hidden insecurity stemmed from an under-developed relationship with God. I was looking in all the wrong places for love: affirmations from men, women, and career success.

The Fruits of My Journey

When I become emotionally triggered, I remember to take my pain to The Father. I ask for His love to pour into me and heal me.  I ask for insight. I can feel and manage my emotions while I think clearly and stay grounded in my body. I can empathize with people and see their point of view even when it opposes my own, and maintain my center. I no longer see uncomfortable emotions as my enemies to be eliminated in order for me to be OK. I have developed compassion for myself and others, and eliminated lots of judgment. My own deep inner healing helps me be able to stay present when I coach clients with intense emotions. I teach them how to manage their emotions, take responsibility for them, and connect with God.

It takes courage to enter the heart of a scary emotion, explore the root of it, and stay fully connected with the Father. This is the level of mastery that I experience. Time and time again, I have found that going into the midst of the emotional catharsis opens the doorway to divine revelation, instantaneous insight and healing. There comes a time when words cannot take us into pure experience and we have to set aside our intellect.

My life is a testament to the purposeful use of suffering.  Without it, I would not have developed such a close relationship with God.  Day by day I learn more about my true identity in Christ, and I learn how to work with Spirit to be prosperous. Depression, fear and anxiety no longer derail me for very long. I teach others how they, too, can diminish their stress and experience a fulfilling life rooted in the relationship with God. I have learned how to eliminate workaholism and take good care of my health. Therefore, I can coach my clients to create balance in their lives. I coach my clients to know their intrinsic worth and value in God, which is entirely independent of their performance.  I walk my talk most of the time. I know I’m not perfect, and that is no longer a requirement for inner peace.  I also like to grow because it is fun to experience greater levels of mastery, and sometimes that requires no pain at all! Just fun!