Balancing Your Life. Eliminating Workaholism

High-achievers are brilliant people, full of creative ideas, but all too often, unconscious self-sabotage gets in the way. This article will help you learn to eliminate resistance, and create the high-quality life you dream about.  An intelligent corporate lawyer driven to excellence, Sarah was destroying her health and her marriage in the process. As we healed her hidden insecurities and focused on her dreams, Sarah created foundational changes which resulted in a balanced, fulfilling life.

Sarah’s Challenge. Sarah contacted me because she was anxious, could not sleep much, and suffered with colitis. Sarah was a bright woman. Intellectually she knew that she needed to take better care of her body, but she did not follow through with consistent behavior. She kept going to bed late, and was not sleeping well. She was filled with anxiety. She would not eat when she needed to so her blood sugar would fall, and she would get exhausted.

Personal Dynamics and Repercussions

Sarah arrived at work early and stayed late. Then she would work out at the gym, leaving little time for her husband. She was so wound up that she could not sleep well which led to exhaustion. I warned her that she was headed towards burn out where she would not be afny good to herself or to her employer. She knew she had to do something to turn this around. Her work ethic had turned into workaholism--a true addiction. She was dependent on her job and her co-workers to give her praise. Recognition was her emotional high and her addictive fix. She excelled, made good money, and had the job that she had always wanted. But her health and her marriage were suffering. Plus, she and her husband wanted to have a baby. She could not see where she would find the time to be a mother.

Resolving Resistance through Sub-personality Dialogue

I coached Sarah to identify her competing inner voices that were creating this driven pattern. Her Inner Critic cracked the whip: "Do more, faster, better. Don’t let down or you’ll fail!" Her Inner Child felt totally neglected and unloved. In fact, her Inner Child was barely visible to her in her mind’s eye. Sarah would look for her in her imagination, but the child would not even talfk to her at first. She did not trust that Sarah really wanted to know her, or care about her needs. Over time, Sarah developed the ability to dialogue with her Inner Child and to ask what the child needed from her. The Inner Child needed attention.

The emotional body is closely related to the physical body. By listening to her emotions and getting out of denial, Sarah could glean the wisdom from her emotions and her body. She became aware of how much more attention her body needed. She needed time to be quiet, to play, to relax, to work in the garden, to hike in the woods, and to go on vacations. Sarah’s Playful Child needed time to play. Her Inner Adult Female needed time to be a wife with her husband. But her Inner Critic kept saying, "There’s not enough time. There’s not enough money. You have to keep working hard."

After weeks of struggling with this pattern and making little progress, Sarah decided she needed to take a month sabbatical. Her intention was to wean herself away from the addictive manner in which she was working. She still could not sleep and was even more exhausted. Her husband was very concerned about Sarah’s health, plus he wanted more quality time with her.

The Solution

They examined their budget and chose not to buy some things so that Sarah could reduce her work-load to three long days a week. Sarah was scared to approach her employer with her request to modify her job, but she finally did talk to her. Her employer supported her in creating a job-share arrangement with a working mom who also wanted to work part-time.

They chose to sell their house and move into a smaller house. With 4-day weekends, Sarah had time to ease out of her workaholic driven mode, and relax for the first time in her life. She still was conscientious about her work, but she shifted priorities. She was concerned that she would not feel very maternal when she had her own baby, because she did not bond with other people’s children. Much to her husband’s pleasure, within a few months they were pregnant and Sarah delivered a healthy baby girl. Contrary to her fear, she fell in love with her baby and felt a real sense of peace and bliss. The emergence of her soft, feminine side stimulated her desire to spend more quality time with her husband, too. Plus, the baby helped Sarah get to know her own Inner Child.

Now Sarah and her husband experience a new kind of freedom and joy in their personal life and work. Sarah sleeps well at night, does not suffer with digestive problems and is much more relaxed.

Summary

Sarah learned how to listen to all her needs, assessed her most important values, and healed on an emotional level. She created a plan for change, took the necessary the risks, and acted congruently to create the life that most mattered to her so she could balance her personal and professional life.

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