6 Tips to Transform Hurt Feelings at Work

By Benita A. Esposito, M.A.

Have your feelings ever been hurt and you just couldn't let it roll off your back?  Imagine this scene: Stress levels are high. People have been laid off. It is even more important to do an efficient professional job. You are naturally conscientious and you want to do the best job you can. Trying to help boost your team’s productivity, you suggest an improvement to your supervisor. You’re shocked when he turns on his heels and snaps, “You know we don’t have any money to make improvements. I don’t have time to talk to you about this.”

Faster than you can blink your eyes, your heart sinks and you feel hurt. Tension shoots through your veins. You emotionally withdraw or get angry. None of that helps, but that's your automatic response. How do you recover and open your heart again so you can get along with your boss?

What not to do: Gossip. Spout damaging words that you will later regret. Over-eat, eat sugar or drink alcohol. Mope and withdraw. Suffer alone with a headache, back ache, or stomach ache.

Here are 6 tips I use to transform my reactivity. I hope this article inspires you to apply at least one tip in your daily life. 

Tip #1: Breathe and Imagine.
Take several long deep breaths from way down deep in your belly. Oxygenating your body will begin to immediately soothe your nervous system. Try it right now. Imagine this scene.  A stormy ocean with dark gray clouds transforms into calm waves while sunshine sparkles on the gentle waves. 

ip #2. Develop Spiritual Intimacy.
Remind your self that people vary in their ability to love and communicate skillfully. Imagine that you are removing a plug from an outlet called “people” and plug your cord into the source of all “Love.”  Develop daily rituals: read, meditate, take a walk in the beauty of Nature, listen to inspirational programs. Quiet reflection time is a must.

Tip #3. Cultivate Quality Relationships.
Stop investing your time and energy in relationships with people who don’t want to understand you.  Align your self with people who want to celebrate and receive the gifts you have to share. When you have a handful of strong friendships, you can remain centered and flexible in the face of conflicts with those who don’t understand.

Tip #4.  To Thine Own Self be True. (from Shakespeare’s Hamlet)
Stay focused on experiencing a joyful life by being true to your divine blue print. Stop thinking that you should be like other people, or that they should be like you. Moss grows in moist shady places like the lush forest. Cacti grows in hot dry sunny places like the desert. Both are wonderful. Which are you? Quit telling your self that you should be able to live in the desert when you are like moss. Make deliberate choices about how to spend your time and with whom. Honor your needs and theirs.

Tip #5.  Weave a Beautiful Tapestry.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. The key is to figure out how to work together in a way that maximizes the talents of the whole group. Intentionally engage people in conversations to identify and develop their strengths. Complement them. Hold the vision that we are all being woven together in a beautiful tapestry. 

Tip #6. Reduce Stress with Self-care.
Interact with people, and then return to the solace of your home for quiet time. This prevents your energy from being drained. With a calm nervous system, you can cope with conflict more effectively. Remember to eat healthy foods, drink plenty of pure water, sleep 8 hours, exercise and relax daily. Read an inspirational book, or soak in a hot tub while listening to soothing music before falling into a deep peaceful sleep. Research indicates that if you stay away from the computer or the TV for 2 hours before bed, you will sleep better.   

Reflections: Now It’s Your Turn.

1. What’s one thing you can do at work to remain calm throughout the day?

2. What personal needs must you tend to so you experience inner peace?

3. With whom do you feel like you are truly understood?

4. Who helps you develop your gifts and potential?

5. Ideally, how much time would you like to spend with these people?

6. What will you do to take better care of your self this week?

7. Name one way you will show your co-workers that you care about their needs.

Permission to Reprint. You may publish this article, share it or post it on your website when you include the author’s name and contact information.
Benita A. Esposito, MA.
http://www.EspositoInstitute.com. 
Written September 20, 2010